Good Night

Translated from the Persian original.

Good Night

As a child I never by nature counted dolls among my toys. I had no interest in them at all, neither human dolls nor animals. But my sister, who was older than me, had a doll, and every night when she went to sleep she'd say good night to it and hug it. My father had also made saying good night part of the usual routine, and I, who hated it, and in fact all the bedtime rituals, would sometimes disobey, and Father would remind me. Once, when my father was in a better mood, like every child who has ever asked this question, I asked: Father, I know what good night means, but I don't know why, when we're all in the same house, we all have to repeat it every night. Is something going to happen, that we always have to be afraid and say good night to each other? My father thought a little and, since he was a patient man and spoke eloquently, he said, look, some things aren't as trivial and worthless as they are simple to do. This way we remind each other every night that we love each other, and you should know we all look out for one another.

Anyway, that night passed, and my father went to Ahvaz on assignment for a while, and I, missing him, would hold his photo and keep asking my mother when Dad was coming back, and every time she'd calm me down somehow. I remember those nights well. Before going to sleep I'd always say good night to my father even though he wasn't there, but it didn't mean at all what my father had taught me, it meant maybe he won't come back. I'd say good night and wait, and fall asleep. Once I went to my sister, sat by her bed and said, why do you say good night to your doll every night when it can't even hear? My sister said, I'm used to it, I say it and then I fall asleep. I saw, how interesting, I say good night to my father too, and it's as if all the things I have to tell him in my heart all day, and the fears, I crumple into this one word and throw out of the bed so I can fall asleep. He couldn't even hear my voice. When we were older and falling in love, now that you could say good night to anyone at any hour from anywhere, in those days too the definition of good night was the one Father gave, but it had found a new meaning. When teenagers in love say good night to someone, it's for the next day, it means, O night, pass quickly so I can carry on with this experience sooner tomorrow. When we get to husbands and wives, the meaning of good night is a bit more complicated. It might mean, you don't want to sleep? Or, I'm going to sleep. Leave me alone now, okay. Or maybe it means, I truly hope you sleep well so we'll have saner minds left, because we'll be working on each other's nerves for a long while yet. But you know, whenever it comes to you, my stories lose their balance. I don't remember how many times you or how many times I said good night to you, but with you I experienced a new good night, a good night after which neither of us would sleep, the unwritten law, my dear, because what it meant was: since we can't see each other until tomorrow, let's leave each other be, come on, let's pretend to be asleep, as if I have no idea what's going on. Good night, when your place is here but your bed is there. Good night, when we sleep in two parallel beds in two parts of the city, and two parallel lines never meet. Good night, when one sleeps and one walks.

In our culture, good night may really mean well done, well done that everything is so in its place and everyone is happy. My dear, good night means, O earth, it doesn't matter how much longer you have to turn before we sleep, at least turn to our tune. If until today you didn't know why people say good night, now I'll tell you: night is dangerous, they say it so it passes well. They say even illnesses grow in the body at night. Father's gone on assignment, you put on clothes and wait at home. Good night means at night you smell clothes and pace the room.

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