I'm Done

Translated from the Persian original.

It was a little past sunset, and once again I'd fallen asleep in the light and woken up in the dark on the couch. I tried to turn on the TV without moving, so its noise would take a little of the heaviness off that hour of the night and the silence of the house. On the TV screen was the message No Service Available, and changing channels didn't change anything. Sweeping my palm across the table in the dark, by trial and error, I found my phone, to see what time it was and to deal with any messages or missed calls. It was a little past eight, but no one had called. Well, that was hardly strange news, I don't have many friends, but the fact that I wasn't waiting for anyone myself, and wasn't thinking of anyone in particular to call, was a little disturbing. I wanted to get up and pour myself a drink, then saw I had no taste for anything but water. I was drinking water when the doorbell rang. I had no idea who it could be. Through the peephole I saw a young man. I opened the door and said, yes? The man gave a serious hello and said, you're done, you can go. I was taken aback. I turned on the light over the door to see the man. I said, I don't understand. The stranger repeated, there's nothing left for you to do, you can go. I said, done with what, sir? This is my home, maybe you've got it mixed up with some office, could I see the address you have? He said: I'll wait downstairs. He peered into the house and went down the stairs. I went to the window and, from the corner of the curtain, looked out at the empty lane by the house, which led to a neighborhood park. The man was standing by a tree at the edge of the sidewalk. I wanted to call the police, then saw that he hadn't acted threateningly and had probably made a mistake and would soon realize it himself. But I couldn't settle down and stay at home anymore either. I put on my walking shoes and went to the park to walk. As I passed the door the man paid me no attention, and I saw the street was busy and full of people out walking, so I didn't feel unsafe. I slowly started walking. Everything was normal: young guys smoking and talking loudly, people at the far edge of the sidewalk talking quietly on the phone as they went, a few taking their dogs to the park for a walk, a young couple deep in a soft argument, paying so little attention to anyone that no one paid any attention to them either. I came to myself: here everyone is busy with something, even something like passing the time, but I didn't even care about time. What was I doing there? Running away from home? In the end I have to go back home again, and nothing at home has changed. If you don't run in the park, don't talk on the phone, don't smoke, and don't have someone of the opposite sex with you whose company you enjoy, what are you doing in the park? I remembered the man's strange words, you're done, and saw that this, too, could be. If I have nothing to do, and no desire to do anything, and I'm not even tired, so that rest might bring me back to an ordinary day, maybe I really am done, like someone in an exam who has filled in the paper before everyone else but has to stay until time is up, or someone who never knew anything to write on the paper in the first place, a person who, one way or another, is done. I remembered that as a child, whenever I wanted to hand in my paper early, the teachers would say, you still have time, go over it. I hated that. Who wants to go over an exam? Anyway, I always stayed, and that was the bitterest part of the exam. But why did the man tell me I could go? I saw he was right, I can go from right here. If I vanish right here, right now, not a ripple will stir in the world. Near morning I went back home. The man wasn't there, and in the house everything was in its place. Nothing had changed, except that I was done. I was done, but I still had time.

I was done, and I still had time.

This is my home, I'm done, but I still have ti...

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